Kui toimunud on raseduse katkemine või beebi on surnud vahetult pärast sünnitust, ei pruugi perekonnal olla kuigi palju temaga seotud mälestusi. Olgugi et alguses võid sa nii mõneski soovituses kahelda, on paljud perekonnad hiljem tajunud näiteks beebiga koos oldud aja, temast tehtud fotode või temaga seotud mälestusesemete hindamatut väärtust. Esemed on paljudele inimestele abiks leinamisel. Need aitavad juhtunut mõtestada ja kinnitavad sulle, et su beebi oli päriselt olemas.
Seeing your baby
Kui sinu beebi elas mõnda aega pärast sündimist, oli sul võimalus teda puudutada ja võib-olla ka hoida ja kallistada. Kui toimus raseduse katkemine või beebi suri enne sündi, küsitakse sinu käest enamasti eelnevalt, kas sa soovid oma last näha ja teda hoida.
At first, seeing and holding a dead child can seem frightening. Nevertheless, many parents have later admitted that those moments are some of their most precious memories. Seeing your baby and being with them gives you the chance to mourn someone real. Sometimes parents are worried that seeing and holding their deceased child can make their grief even more painful and that they may become overly attached to their child. Yet you will have been expecting the child and feeling love for them even before they died.
If you want to see your baby but have not been offered the option, ask the hospital or maternity ward staff. Depending on the child’s condition, it may not be possible to see them. In such a case, we recommend that you talk about the reasons with your doctor.
If you are given the opportunity to spend time with your child, take it slow and do not rush yourself. Some parents, nonetheless, prefer not to see their baby. And sometimes one parent may want to see the baby, while the other does not. The most important thing is to do what feels right to you.
However, if you are unsure, discuss your concerns with the hospital or maternity ward staff. For example, before seeing your baby you may wish to know what he or she looks like at the moment, or you may have other questions you would like answered before you decide whether or not to see the baby. In any case, you should weigh the decision carefully, as some parents have later come to regret not seeing their child.
Even if you took the chance to see and spend time with your baby, you may still regret that it was not enough. Perhaps you would have liked to see them for longer or perhaps it did not immediately occur to you to hold, embrace, and dress the child. It is important that you become aware of these feelings and that you also mourn what you failed to do. Always know that you did the best that you could at that moment. Even parents who have said that they stayed for a long period with their baby often wish that they had had more time.
Kui teie beebil on vendi-õdesid ja vanavanemaid, tasub kaaluda võimalust, kas ka nemad saaksid last näha. Nii muutub nii laps kui tema lapse kaotus ka nende jaoks reaalsemaks ning algab leinamine.
Photos
If possible, the midwife will offer to take some photos of your baby as a keepsake. You can, of course, also take photos yourself. If you are not sure whether you want photos of your baby, you can still have the midwife take them, but simply leave them with the hospital, where you can retrieve them later, if you so choose.
Other memorabilia
Most maternity hospitals will offer you a remembrance box or pouch. Need mälestusesemed on valmistanud teised vanemad, kes samuti on kogenud lapse kaotust ja soovivad sulle sel raskel hetkel toeks olla. Soovitame sul mälestusese vastu võtta, isegi kui sa sellel esialgu mõtet ei näe – loobuda saad sa sellest hiljem alati.
Other memorabilia may include, for example, ultrasound recordings or items issued by the maternity hospital and marked with the baby’s measurements and date of birth. It may also be possible to have the baby’s handprints and footprints taken at the hospital. Some parents want to keep their baby’s clothes, the blanket the baby was wrapped in, or a lock of the child’s hair. Later memorabilia, such as photos of the funeral service, poems, expressions of condolences, letters, and cards, may also be valuable.
Naming
Üsasiseselt surnud lapse eesnimi on võimalik lisada perinataalsurma põhjuse teatisesse, kust see jõuab läbi tervishoiuteenuse infosüsteemide (TISi) surma põhjuste registrisse. See soov on võimalik esitada haiglas meditsiinipersonalile.
Soovi korral saavad vanemad jäädvustada lapse nime tema hauakivil. Mõned vanemad eelistavad jätta hüüdnime, millega last raseduse ajal kutsuti. Paljud raseduse katkemisel või raseduse katkestamisel lapse kaotanud vanemad on kogenud oma lapsele nime panemist olulise sammuna leinateekonna alustamisel.
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